I walk to the waters edge.  The sand is hard on my feet.  I finally make it to the last dry sand before where it is wet from the ocean and sit down.  My bones creak as I sit and I wonder if I will be able to get up. 

The sand is warm; I dig with my feet into the sand until I feel the cool dampness on my feet.  Now that I am anchored in I enjoy the view.  I see the blue sky with a few white clouds and hear the seagulls making noise.

I get hypnotized by the waves and soon my mind is not at the beach.  I traveled back to my Grandmother’s living room.  It was our weekly Sunday visit.  My sister and I are sitting on a sofa and our Aunt gives us each a handful of M & M’s.  I just start eating and notice that my sister eats all but the red ones.  She then proceeds to lick the red M & M and color her lips in red!  Wow that is so amazing.  We outsmarted Mom.  We made our own lipstick and there was nothing she could do about it. Big sisters are amazing; you learn so many good and sneaky things to do.

The sound of people walking by brings me back to the Oceans edge.  The wind is blowing softly cooling me off.  I watch the waves curling in and disappearing over and over again.  I keep staring.  I can hear music and the next thing I know I am standing in Church wearing a lavender gown.  My sister turns to me in her beautiful wedding gown with lace and sequence. She has a smile on her face and is very happy.  I help adjust her gown as she turns to say her vows. I feel so loved.  I was sixteen and tickled that she chose me to be in her wedding.  I am sure my parents had something to do with that but it was great.  She always did have a lot of friends.  They were all at the reception dancing and drinking to Polkas at the VFW.  She is leaving home. Now that I am older, I realize that was the first time she left me.

I can smell salt in the air and when I open my eyes I am back on the sandy beach.  Sandpipers are running along the Ocean’s edge.  My memories seem so real at times.  I notice the tide is coming in and the sun is lower in the sky.  It is getting cooler so I wrap my arms around my legs to keep warm.  The waves are so relaxing, so hypnotic. Inside I am so sad. I close my eyes and my mind drifts off.

Suddenly, I am in high school and I ask for a hall pass.  I skip the bathroom and slip into the phone booth and call home.  Mom answers and I ask, “Did she have the baby yet?” “Why is it taking so long”. I am going to be an Aunt for the first time. I can’t believe my sister is going to be a mommy!

I can feel the coolness of the evening.  The sun is making my shadow long in the sand.  People are starting to pick up their beach bags and head back to where they came from.  My heart breaks as this is probably the last time I will ever be here, to stay at a condo on the beach, shop, travel and make crafts with my sister. We can’t share our lives anymore, because she is dying, and I am trying to be as brave as she is and not doing a good job at it.  I think of my sister suffering and the life running out of her.  I don’t want the day to end; I want it to go on forever!

Slowly, I realize that the wind has stopped; the waves have stopped making noise.  I look out at the water and see smooth waters.  It is beautiful, like glass. The wind has stopped, the waves have stopped.  The water is as smooth as glass.  I hear a voice in my head say, “Thou I walk in the shadows of death I shall fear no evil.”  I smile and say “no, my sister is different.  She didn't walk in the shadows of death.  She danced in the sun, said her goodbyes enjoyed every drop of life and showed me the correct way to live and the correct way to die.”

I love you sister, may you not rest in peace but be who you were here on earth in heaven.