I walk to the waters edge.  The sand is hard on my feet.  I finally make it to the last dry sand before where it is wet from the ocean and sit down.  My bones creak as I sit and I wonder if I will be able to get up. 

The sand is warm; I dig with my feet into the sand until I feel the cool dampness on my feet.  Now that I am anchored in I enjoy the view.  I see the blue sky with a few white clouds and hear the seagulls making noise.

I get hypnotized by the waves and soon my mind is not at the beach.  I traveled back to my Grandmother’s living room.  It was our weekly Sunday visit.  My sister and I are sitting on a sofa and our Aunt gives us each a handful of M & M’s.  I just start eating and notice that my sister eats all but the red ones.  She then proceeds to lick the red M & M and color her lips in red!  Wow that is so amazing.  We outsmarted Mom.  We made our own lipstick and there was nothing she could do about it. Big sisters are amazing; you learn so many good and sneaky things to do.

The sound of people walking by brings me back to the Oceans edge.  The wind is blowing softly cooling me off.  I watch the waves curling in and disappearing over and over again.  I keep staring.  I can hear music and the next thing I know I am standing in Church wearing a lavender gown.  My sister turns to me in her beautiful wedding gown with lace and sequence. She has a smile on her face and is very happy.  I help adjust her gown as she turns to say her vows. I feel so loved.  I was sixteen and tickled that she chose me to be in her wedding.  I am sure my parents had something to do with that but it was great.  She always did have a lot of friends.  They were all at the reception dancing and drinking to Polkas at the VFW.  She is leaving home. Now that I am older, I realize that was the first time she left me.

I can smell salt in the air and when I open my eyes I am back on the sandy beach.  Sandpipers are running along the Ocean’s edge.  My memories seem so real at times.  I notice the tide is coming in and the sun is lower in the sky.  It is getting cooler so I wrap my arms around my legs to keep warm.  The waves are so relaxing, so hypnotic. Inside I am so sad. I close my eyes and my mind drifts off.

Suddenly, I am in high school and I ask for a hall pass.  I skip the bathroom and slip into the phone booth and call home.  Mom answers and I ask, “Did she have the baby yet?” “Why is it taking so long”. I am going to be an Aunt for the first time. I can’t believe my sister is going to be a mommy!

I can feel the coolness of the evening.  The sun is making my shadow long in the sand.  People are starting to pick up their beach bags and head back to where they came from.  My heart breaks as this is probably the last time I will ever be here, to stay at a condo on the beach, shop, travel and make crafts with my sister. We can’t share our lives anymore, because she is dying, and I am trying to be as brave as she is and not doing a good job at it.  I think of my sister suffering and the life running out of her.  I don’t want the day to end; I want it to go on forever!

Slowly, I realize that the wind has stopped; the waves have stopped making noise.  I look out at the water and see smooth waters.  It is beautiful, like glass. The wind has stopped, the waves have stopped.  The water is as smooth as glass.  I hear a voice in my head say, “Thou I walk in the shadows of death I shall fear no evil.”  I smile and say “no, my sister is different.  She didn't walk in the shadows of death.  She danced in the sun, said her goodbyes enjoyed every drop of life and showed me the correct way to live and the correct way to die.”

I love you sister, may you not rest in peace but be who you were here on earth in heaven.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” “Gone where?” Gone from my sight. That is all. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.  And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!” And that is dying. Henry Van Dyke

I ride my tricycle up and down the driveway.  I have done it so often that I have every crack and bump memorized. I ride from the garage, past the side door, and down the hill to the sidewalk and back.  All day I ride up and down back and forth in my own small safe world.

I am happy on my driveway dreaming of imaginary worlds with the every push of the peddle.  That is what consumed my days when my yard was my Universe.  Riding my tricycle and having the love of my family was all that mattered to me.

One day while riding on my tricycle the sun stopped burning down on me and a cloud covered the sunshine.  The wind came and found me and blew around me.  It blew my hair around my face and made noise in my ears.  I could hear it.  It whispered that there is a better place to ride my bike.  It told me that the sidewalk was much more fun.  I squinted at the sidewalk and it asked me to roll up and down it's back like I did on the driveway.

I jumped off the bike and ran to the brown wooden screen door yelling for my mom to come!  She came to the door carrying one of my baby brothers on her hip.  I was surprised that she said it was OK to leave the yard.  I felt so grown up. 

I took off on my tricycle never looking back and as happy as I could be.  I rolled down the cement hill of our driveway sticking out my feet as I took the curve onto the sidewalk that wanted me.  The wind was right; this was more fun than the driveway.

I found many interesting things along the way.  Somethings good and other things bad.  Somethings I found along the way I shoved in my pocket and saved and other things I just tossed away.

Many years have passed and I am done peddling and the fun is not exciting anymore.  I turn my tricycle back toward home but the wind is strong and it is hard to peddle.  I make it to the end of the old driveway so excited to share all my treasures I have found along the way.  The hill is steep so I get off the tricycle and walk the rest of the way.  I get to the door but it isn't a brown wooden screen door anymore.  I call for my mom and she doesn't come to the door.  The wind and the sidewalk tricked me.  My perfect world is gone, nothing is the same anymore.

It is what it is....I haven't a clue.  I made this for someone I wonder if it's you?

Getting ready for Valentines Day.  Can you feel my heart beat? lol.

This is a scanned, much clearer version of Mooka.

This one is a little on the sloppy side.  It was the page after the 2013 drawing.  I used Copic markers and they bleed through the paper.  It was fun to learn new Zen tangle designs, however I doubt I will ever learn the names by heart.

I am trying to find cleaver things to say along with my drawings...not easy.  This one has the words from Pink Floyd.  It was fun, I even put crystal effects on the black and gold center words...that turned into a mistake when the next day when I opened the journal the pages were stuck together.  Thank God for Exacto knives.

First page in my journal I received from my daughter at Christmas.  I was afraid to draw anything in the book when she suggested to do the 2013 as a first page.

I was running out of ideas, so started with a small circle and just kept going around until the entire page was filled, then I had fun coloring it in and putting a diamond in the center of the circle.

Find the hidden word on the right side of the page.  This pattern is called Stacking along with line weaving.

Totally amazed at how this came out.  My main objective was to color the blue that was leaking through the other side.  This style on the right side is called Stacked doodling.

Finished another page in my book. Thanks so much for the wonderful Christmas gift, I am enjoying it.  The glitter I received adds so much to the drawing.  Working on a Valentines day one next.

Don't just have a great day, make it a great day.

Found this shoved between some books on the bookcase while cleaning.  I done this one probably in the 80's on the kitchen table when I lived in Columbia Station.

The above drawing was my first try at drawing an abstract that might have a hidden meaning in it when someone looked at it.  Yes, it looks like a tree, however, if you look close you will see this one has red sap.  I wanted it to look like injured veins at the same time.  I wanted your imagination to take off, for me it is my sister's cancer.

So, after playing with my new phone and editing photos, I came up with this dark drawing. This is my favorite so far.  The first drawing was too plain and without using paint, my resources were limited. On this drawing, I used Stampin Up Stamps for the gauze and bottom scroll.  The striped lines are with the help of a ruler an the rest is freehand. Now you can peek through the gauze and see ... whatever it is you see.